11:54, July 27 316 0 usmagazine.com

2017-07-27 11:54:02


Man Live-Tweets Customer Confusing Butternut Squash for Cubed Cheese

James Dator went to the grocery store to buy chicken breast. He left a viral sensation.

The North Carolina-based writer for SB Nation live-tweeted what happened when one very confused man tried to return butternut squash because he thought it was a giant box of cubed cheese. And it’s comedy gold. Sample: “Oh god an employee trying to be helpful half heard the conversation and retrieved a whole butternut squash and it’s a lot worse now. ‘I DON’T WANT RABBIT FOOD I JUST NEED SOME GOTDANG CHEESE!!!’”

His original tweet has been retweeted more than 1,300 times.

“When I used to work at Costco some lady returned an empty bottle of tequila because it gave her a headache,” wrote one person. Added another: “I once witnessed a man try to return a 50” flat-screen tv box, claiming when he got home and opened the box there was no tv.”

Dator elaborated on his tale in a lengthy post on SB Nation. “A man of no more than 30 had mistaken the diced vegetable for cubed cheese. In the pantheon of grocery store fails and brain farts, this kind of thing happens,” Dator wrote in the piece that was published on Monday, June 24. “There are a great many ways you can take this. The obvious is that you stick the squash in the fridge, laugh at yourself, and go get some cheese. This man said ‘no.’”

Dator pointed out that the container was clearly labeled butternut squash and the only place to buy it is in the produce section — located on the other side of the store from dairy. “Nonetheless,” wrote Gator, “He was absolutely certain that the fault wasn’t his.”

The 13-minute ordeal ended with the man “snatching” the squash off the counter and storming out of the store. “I’ll never know what happened to his party. Whether the guests ever got their cheese. The squash’s destiny is a mystery too. Perhaps it turned into soup — at least’s that’s my hope,” wrote Dator. “If there’s one thing we can learn from this, it’s that butternut squash isn’t cheese, and it will never become cheese — no matter how much we complain about it.” 

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